This originated as a flash fic I wrote for a young adult short story contest. I lost, so here it is! Whoever you are, I hope you get a good laugh out of it.
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Princess Nacho was a pretty little, 13-year old, half-elf princess. She lived in a castle in a kingdom in a cave. It was a really big cave. One day, the princess found herself craving a snack. She searched the royal snack pantry, but it was filled with nothing but health food. She made a mental note to talk to the royal snack-purchaser later.
With a sigh, Princess Nacho concluded there was only one thing to do.She would have to fix a snack for herself. She decided she would bake her favorite of all delicious treats: radioactive lava cake. This was a dangerous choice, considering radioactive lava cake was known as the most cavity-inducing food in all the land, but she was willing to take that risk. She was hungry, darn it.
“I can handle a cavity or two,” the pointy-eared Princess mused. “Besides, the royal dentist is always so happy to see me!”
Princess Nacho immediately went to work gathering all the ingredients she would need. She grabbed some chocolate from the kitchen, some lava from the volcano in the backyard, some cake mix from the local grocery store, and a smelly old sock from under her bed. Now she was only missing one thing.
“Where am I supposed to find radioactive waste at this hour?” Princess Nacho pondered. She knew she couldn't just ask the power plant to give her some. She was still banned from the premises after the accidental incident with the gerbil.
She gazed out the kitchen window as she tried to solve this puzzling conundrum. As the Princess’s mind raced through all the possibilities, her eyes fell on the perfect solution.
Without giving the matter another thought, Princess Nacho ran outside to the castle’s garden and started picking plutonium rods. Now she felt kind of bad for making fun of the royal gardener for planting the things. She decided she would make him an apology card once her belly was full. As soon as she was back inside, the Princess dropped the radioactive rods into her mixing bowl and popped it into the oven. She pressed a few buttons, and the oven immediately exploded into a miniature mushroom cloud. After a brief moment of confusion, Princess Nacho giggled to herself and shook her head.
“Silly me! I forgot the maple syrup!” she laughed.
The Princess grabbed a bottle of maple syrup from the pantry, re-gathered all her other ingredients, and whipped up a perfect radioactive lava cake using the other oven.
“Yippee! This is going to be tasty as can be!” Princess Nacho exclaimed. Then she chowed down on her delicious delicacy. It was indeed as tasty as any food could be. However, there was one problem. Only a few hours later, the Princess discovered that she now glowed in the dark and had five new toes (on her forehead, of all places). Worst of all, when she paid a visit to the royal dentist, he told her she had a cavity! As it turned out, the deliciousness of the dessert was barely worth the pain of having the cavity drilled.
The moral of this story? Don’t eat plutonium. It guarantees cavities.
